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Fiction Writers

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story [Aug. 18th, 2004|12:42 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |goodgood]
[music |Truck On - Simple Kid]

Hey everyone. I just (like five minutes ago) finished the first draft of a story I started on a day or two ago. Any comments will be good. What's working, what's not. How's the flow, the mood? Does it seem complete? What's your impression of the story? Are the characters strong (I'm not sure)? How's the title? Also - any suggestions for names? I need new ones. So, I hope you enjoy (at least it's something to read) and please keep in mind this is a very early draft. Thanks! --Helen

Blood Sisters

“Should we do it?” Sarah said, grinning and looking at the rest of us.

“Of course we should,” Brittany said, snatching it from Sarah.

“Yeah, I think we should,” said Carrie, leaning back on a old, wooden bench.

“I don’t know,” I said, turning away from it and going to sit next to Carrie.

“Oh, calm down. It won’t be that bad.” Brittany spoke with confidence, but I knew even she was slightly apprehensive.

I didn’t say anything. I lifted my legs up, so my heels touched the edge of the bench and my thighs pushed against my body. I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on them. I starred at the activity surrounding us. The rest of our classmates played around Green Park. Many were on the playground in the center, playing in the sand. They zoomed down the slide and flew on the swings. Some just sat at the edge of the sand, talking. Our teacher sat at a picnic table to the left of us, a little closer to the playground. Next to her, an indignant boy sat, undoubtedly receiving a stern talking to for being bad.

Shouldn’t we be there? I thought. Among our peers, normal nine and ten year-olds having fun at the park. Talking and playing with our over-active imaginations.


My attention snapped back to my friends at the sound of Brittany’s short, quiet shriek. A childish glee filled her face and told me what I dreaded. I lowered my gaze to see the blood drip down Brittany’s left index finger. It came from a small cut, three centimeters below her purple-painted fingernail. The three of us starred at her cut, mouths gaping and eyes wide.

She had done it. I breathed in, out.

With her right hand, Brittany gripped a filthy piece of clear glass. We had found it near the bench, just part of a mess that used to be a bottle of Absolut Vodka. Brittany had picked it up; I think she jut liked the idea of holding it at first. It was a medium sized piece, not a fragment, but smaller than the palm of my hand. Carrie came up with the idea. On her blew and green stripped shirt, she had attempted to clean it, but when she held it in her hand to examine it, most of the dirt had remained. Now, as it dangled in Brittany’s hand, dark red blood began to dry.

The cool fall wind blew through my dark hair, as I watched Brittany hand Carrie the glass part. Carrie took a deep breath in. She breathed out slowly and slashed the tan skin on her right index finger. She barely flinched.

“Phew! That wasn’t so bad,” Carrie said, smiling. She handed the red-edged piece to Sarah.

Sarah sat next to Carrie on the bench, and placed the glass on the worn armrest. Sarah wiped her hands on her khaki skirt. After shaking her head, as if she were shaking away the feelings of doubt, she tucked her hair behind her ears. Holding her breath, Sarah reached for the glass and cut her left middle finger. All in one, swift motion.

Sarah watched her hand for a moment. I watched too. We saw the blood rise to the surface of her pale skin, flow over, slide around her finger, and into her palm. She grinned, looked up at Brittany, over at Carrie and me, and began to giggle. I couldn’t tell if there was a slight worry in her laugh, her face.

Finally, Sarah handed the glass to me. I held it with my thumb and index finger, at a decent distance away from my body. I looked down at it. What was the big deal, right? I mean, it was just a little cut. It won’t hurt, too much. It will be gone with in two weeks and no one but us four would ever know. But if it wasn’t a big deal, then why couldn’t I just get it done with?

Someone spoke and my attention returned to the old bench at Green Park. And my three best friends.

“What?” I asked, looking around them.

They starred back at me, looking something that wasn’t quite confusion, and not quite annoyance.

“I said,” Brittany began, “‘Just do it.’” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, careful not to let her bloody finger touch her arm or shirt.

“Come on, we don’t have much time left,” Carrie said, standing up to face me.

“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “Just give me a sec.”

My friends, the bench, the park all evaporated as I concentrated on that hunk of glass. Most of the dirt was still present, though the grease from the hand of the three previous users had smudged it. Their dry blood coated sections of the razor edges.

Breathing became important, I couldn’t forget a step.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

I glanced up. “What about AIDS?”

Brittany sighed loudly, “You can only get it from someone who has it.” She motioned to the four of us, “None of us do.”

“Right.” In. Out.

I raised the bottle shard to the index finger on my left hand. I squeezed my eyes shut.

One. Two. Three.

I tried to keep my breath steady as I opened my eyes, slowly. I held out the glass for someone to take. Carrie did. My right hand held my left. This time it was my blood that I saw drip down my hand.

“Wow,” I breathed.

A whistle came from our left. Simultaneously, we looked to its origin. The teacher was rounding everyone up. Our time was running out.

With sudden speed, Sarah and I pushed our cuts together, my blood flowing with hers. Carrie and Brittany did the same, though their cuts didn’t flow as freely. Next I went to Carrie, as Brittany went to Sarah. Our blood mixed together.

The whistle sounded for a second time. Most of the class was by our teacher now, in front of the picnic table.

Hurriedly, we completed the exchanges – Brittany with me, Carrie with Sarah. I couldn’t believe we actually did it. Actually became blood sisters. I couldn’t believe I cut myself with a piece of a broken vodka bottle. The experience was exhilarating.

I grinned with my friends, finally able to understand that unexplainable giddy feeling. As we walked towards the rest of the class, Carrie knelt down to pick up a Subway napkin on the ground. It looked unused. One by one we wiped off the trails of blood that had graced our hands. We spat on the dry blood to get it off. Some traces remained when we reached the class, but most of the evidence was gone.

We left soon after we rejoined the class. Carrie wrapped the glass in the napkin and dropped it in a green trashcan we passed as we exited the park. On the walk back to school, we talked with classmates and each other about school gossip and celebrity happenings. One hand tucked away in a pocket.

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(no subject) [Aug. 15th, 2004|02:15 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |cannonball]

Hey everybody
Hey, ummm i have a friend that asked me if i would post one of her poems and c what y'all had 2 say about it. and no its not a "friend" cause i know that's what u're thinking write now, i'd like 2 think im brave enough 2 take critisism directly
Here's my stats
name: Katie
age/grade/school: 15 sophmore Hudson high
location: hudson, suprise, suprise
favorite movie:ummm.it changes constantly, chicago, braveheart, monty python and the holy grail, mulan, pirates of the carribean hmmm what else?
favorite food: anything thai or vietnamese or veggie crepes
favorite book:right now,? Catch 22
favorite author: i dunno
what's the last book you read?:insomnia by king
best advice ever given to you: What are u worried about?
best writing advice ever given to you:learn how 2 type, get some therapy, print things in readable fonts, hmmmm no um really i think it was to finish everything no matter how bad it bites 'cause u'll get better for it
best writing advice you could ever give to someone:write and read a lot and share ur writing
have you ever been published? where?: a church magazine (I'm mad about that one because i didn't authorize it,) and a book of poems
fun facts, or anything else we should know about you: I play air guitar in my room. I've been a vegetarian for 3 years. I have a rose tarantula. Raw turnips make me laugh and i have a phobia of needles. Not the sewing kind, the kind they give u shots with. I've only written 11 stories my entire life and only 5 since 6th grade.
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about moi [Aug. 8th, 2004|11:24 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |Long Way Down - Guster]

I too think this is a good idea. Way to got Amy! By the way, I'm working on some ideas for a new story, so expect something in maybe the next week or two or three.

name: Helen
age/grade/school: 15/10th/South High
location: Minneapolis
favorite movie: The Hours
favorite food: Grilled Cheese (and I'm on a smoothie kick right now)
favorite book: Sloppy Firsts (and) Second Helpings by Megan McCafferty
sorry...but I also have to say The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky and Speak by Lourie Halls Anderson
favorite author: Um...Megan Mcafferty...and maybe Sarah Dessen
what's the last book you read?: Away Laughing on a Fast Camel by Louise Renninson
best advice ever given to you: um...You need to be yourself; You can't be anywone else
best writing advice ever given to you: SHOW don't TELL
best writing advice you could ever give to someone: write write write write write. read!
have you ever been published? where?: um...when I was in like 3rd grade some friends and I got a little picture book published, but that was just like copies for us. Nothing really besides that...
fun facts, or anything else we should know about you: I love reading. Music too- I am always on the lookout for quality new (or old) bands that didn't know before. I really should write more than I do...maybe I'll start tomorrow. I love playing rugby and soccer. I have a sick obsession with anything English.
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aha.... [Aug. 5th, 2004|11:03 am]
Fiction Writers

[mood |distresseddistressed]
[music |September - Earth, Wind & Fire]

good idea, amy!

name: rosie
age/grade/school: 16, i'll be a junior at southwest high
location: minneapolis, mn
favorite movie: moulin rouge
favorite food: pizza!
favorite book: the notebook (nicholas sparks)
favorite author: it changes...
what's the last book you read?: ophelia speaks by sara shandler
best advice ever given to you: things have to get worst before they get better
best writing advice ever given to you: don't rush through the plot, take time to reflect on what you're writing and add detail.
best writing advice you could ever give to someone: don't be afraid to write about personal experiences-it may end up being your best writing yet.
have you ever been published? where?: yes and no at the same time... i've had various things published in little newspapers or magazines here and there, but never anything major.
fun facts, or anything else we should know about you: usually the best way to find out who i really am is to wait until i'm overtired (that's when i get really active and sort of hyper) and you'll see the real me. i love pets but hate taking care of them, i spend a lot of time running around in parking lots for no apparent reason, and i set a lot of goals for myself that make me feel really good-but never actually get around to achieving them. i also love softball, writing, movies and i'm OBSESSED with music.
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poll [Aug. 4th, 2004|01:20 pm]
Fiction Writers

[mood |blahblah]
[music |queen - bohemian rhapsody]

i had an idea and you guys might think it's kind of dumb but since we only spent 5 short classes together, i thought i'd throw together a little mini basic survey and if you'd like, you can fill it out... just so we can get a handle on where everyone stands? i tried to keep it in the vein of writing and literature.

name: amy
age/grade/school: 16, i'll be a junior at st. john's prep
location: sartell, mn (by st cloud)
favorite movie: now and then
favorite food: fish
favorite book: the catcher in the rye
favorite author: jd salinger
what's the last book you read?: the stranger by albert camus
best advice ever given to you: look on the bright side
best writing advice ever given to you: condense, condense, condense and get to the point. short concise sentences. i'm trying to keep my stories trim and lean right now.
best writing advice you could ever give to someone: be original and read a lot.
have you ever been published? where?: kind of. i was published in an 8th grade anthology when i was in the 8th grade for a poem i wrote and in our school literary magazine in 10th grade, neither pieces of which i am very proud...
fun facts, or anything else we should know about you: i have 2 cats, i'm allergic to peanuts, i really don't like lettuce, i like going to concerts, i can't stand it when people smoke cigarettes, and i have naturally curly hair. that's about it!
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last story [Aug. 1st, 2004|10:46 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |yellowcard]

Hey everyone!
The last story i wrote i sent to all of you using each of your email addresses. That was before this AMAZING site started!!(thanx rosie!) So yeah, i got some responses from you guys, and i also sent it to my friend Joseph J. Mazella, who is also a writer. Joseph lives in, well, he lives in a different state, I can't remember which one right now, but i do remember he lives in the mountains!! I can't find his website right now, he's going to email it to me though. But yeah, back to what i was saying. I also sent that "9-11" story to Joe, and he wrote back saying this: "Ellen,Is this a true story? I didn't know of anyone on the planes that survived the crashes. If it is a work of fiction it is very powerful
and gripping. Still, it may be too soon after the attack to write a fictionalized account of it. You may get a lot of criticism for it.My only suggestions would be to space out the action more.The reader will need more places to catch his breath in all of this heart stopping action. I am sure you can do this easily in the editing process.I hope that you continue to write my friend. You have a lot of power and energy in your writing. It is quite good.Wishing you every joy, Joe"
Now the only thing i wonder about this, is what you think of this critiques? He is a talented man and writes mostly inspirational pieces, but talented all the same. I trust his judgment, but i would like to hear your thoughts on the matter as well. I look forward to a response to this horribly LONG posting, sorry!! Lataz!!

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membership? [Aug. 1st, 2004|01:23 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |chipperchipper]

I was just wondering if my friend, who is also a writer, could join our community. Jordan may not have been in our loft class/es but he is a very talented writer just like all of us and when at my house saw what we had together. He was so inspired that he went home and started to write some more and send it all to me for critiques and stuff. He then asked if there was a way that he could join our community on here so he could get even more ideas. I told him that i had to talk to you all about it first though, so i await your reply as to whether it would be alright for him to join us. Thank you so much!!

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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2004|08:07 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |boredbored]
[music |road trippin-RHCP]

Amy, I'd love 4 u to post ur other grocery story or send it 2 me at allbrains_gur@yahoo.com. I really think this is an awesome idea, and hope it takes off.
Does anybody whose computer doesn't hold grudges know why the live journal thingy said my email address is invalid even though i still got the letter and stuff when i joined. Its really annoying me cause i can't post comments.
I hate computers
O i'm going 2 camp 4 awhile so if i don't post anything im not shunning u im just gone

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a few quotes [Jul. 31st, 2004|04:20 pm]
Fiction Writers

[mood |soresore]
[music |coldplay - the scientist]

hey guys!

i thought i'd post some writing quotes.. just to keep everyone going, and inspired.

my personal favorites are in bold. :)

“If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.”
-Kingsley Amis

“Writing is like hunting. There are brutally cold afternoons with nothing in sight, only the wind and your breaking heart. Then the moment when you bag something big. The entire process is beyond intoxicating.”
-Kate Braverman

The pen is mightier than the sword.

“I think the only person a writer has an obligation to is himself. If what I write doesn’t fulfill something in me, if I don’t honestly feel it’s the best I can do, then I’m miserable.”
-Truman Capote

“The faster I write the better my output. If I’m going slow I’m in trouble. It means I’m pushing the words instead of being pulled by them.”
-Raymond Chandler

“It’s perfectly okay to write garbage—as long as you edit brilliantly.”
-C. J. Cherryh

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
-Tom Clancy

“Our admiration of fine writing will always be in proportion to its real difficulty and its apparent ease.”
-Charles Caleb Colton

“The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.”
-Robert Cormier

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader—not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
-E. L. Doctorow

“More than kisses, letters mingle souls.”
-John Donne

“Neither man nor God is going to tell me what to write.”
-James T. Farrell

“Read, read, read. Read everything—trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the most. Read! You’ll absorb it. Then write. If it is good, you’ll find out. If it’s not, throw it out the window.”
-William Faulkner

“One great use of words is to hide our thoughts.”

“To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to finish without knowing what you have written.”
-Jean Jacques Rousseau

“Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.”
-Gloria Steinem
hope you guys enjoyed these.. i picked through a lot of them and found the ones i figured would be most worthwhile to keep in mind. i've had a long-time plan to make the first kingsley amis quote my senior quote... it is my favorite.

also, does anyone want me to post my other grocery-store inspired story (yeah i'm a dork) that i wrote this year? i'm not especially proud of it but since it was pseudo-published i don't really want criticism on it either because it's basically finished. if anyone wants, i can put it up here for reading and responding just to get the ball rolling. as long as you keep in mind that i am very dissatisfied with the ending.
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2004|02:06 pm]
Fiction Writers
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Weezer-Holiday]

Thanx sooo much for setting this up, Rosie.
Hi I'm Katie and if ur bad with names I wore a spongebob tee one of the days and I wrote a story bout a crazy ex wife with and handgun. Hope that rings a bell.
n/e ways I'm computerly challenged so if your not the journal this was supposed go to I'm sorry.

Somebody post a story, pleez. I dunno what to write about.

cya later
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